December 31th, 2005
Happy fucking New Year! As I sit here and write this post, I'm smashed out of my mind from drinking a potent combination of Champale, Mad Dog, Night Train, Singapore Slings, Dom Perigon, Jagerbombs, Zima, Milwaukee's Best, Guiness, Colt 45, Rumpleminze, Bubblegum Schnapps, Cabo Wabo tequila, Skol mango Vodka, genuine Absinthe, some more Colt 45, Atlantic City Iced tea, some expensive Merlot from France, some cheap Reisling from Germany, Jello shots, a Boysenberry wine cooler, Ouzo, grapefruit juice and rum, a shot of The Glenlivet, whiskey from Albania, an ounce of straight gasoline, a Mississippi Slammer, a Sex on the beach, a Yoo-Hoo and Gin, and a rum and Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper.
Fuck! And that was this morning. I don't know how I'm gonna handle New Year's Eve now, I'm pretty wasted...
I found this awesome fucking site, Click My Boobs. This Hot-ass chick will write the name of your website on her beautiful boobs! It is run by an attractive lady named Amy Lockheart. Now yours truly is no stranger to having naked chicks promoting this site on their tits...hell, check out the top of this very fucking page! Plus there was this drunk slut I met at the parking lot of 7-11 who drank a few too many Slurpees and tequilas I provided her and wrote "Porn Tastes Good" in lipstick on her thighs with an arrow pointing to her vagina...but thats a long story I'd rather no discuss write now. (Sorry, Heather, I did promise you I wouldn't talk about that on my blog, didn't I?)
Anyway, I just asked this lady at Click My Boobs to write Porn Tastes Good on her boobs...let's see if she has the balls to do it for real! Uh...on second thought, I hope she DOESN'T have balls! Anyway, she is just gorgeous, so I'm going to give her a nice free promo along with a premanent link under the "Tasty Friends" column....Amy Lockheart!
HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR'S YOU COCKSUCKING ASSHOLE MOTHERFUCKERS! I mean, I love you all...everyone go home and be nice! For real...be safe and have a great 2006!
December 26th, 2005
Christmas is over. Now we enter that depressing preiod where the glow of the holidays is over...there is gift wrapping everywhere, the house is a mess, maybe the relatives haven't fucking left yet, you have to go back to work, and you just really want this year to end so you can start over again in 2006...but the year drags on, like the last minutes of a slow clock...tick tick tick, still December 2005. No New Year's drunken partying yet...a few more days to go.
AND FUCK! You didn't even get what you REALLY wanted for Crhistmas. You know, "An official Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time." Oh wait, that's not what you wanted, that is what Ralphie from A Christmas story wanted. YOU wanted some good Internet porn...you're sick of teasers and free previews, you just want to loosen you pants and see long clips of uncensored hard core sex with extremely hot babes getting naked and fucked.
Well you've come to the right place...MERRY CHRISTMAS! Now treat YOURSELF for a change, get what you really want for a gift, fuck what others think!
*****
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Are you feeling bold? Do you want to see what a true mega porn site has to offer? Are you sick of all the teasing free porn sites and want to see full length movies instead of ten second clips? Be a man...get what you really want...sign up for All Sites Access!
Nah, you won't really do it...you're girlfriend/wife/momma might get upset if she finds out! You pussy!
December 20th, 2005
Time to welcome old man winter again. Did you know it is still technically FALL right now as I post this blog today? Nice fall day here in Northern Indiana...NOT! It is colder than a witches clitoris as she masturbates with a frosty ice dildo while her bare ass is in the snow!
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Well Blow me Down! I found you all some good blowjob porn today. You'll swear some slut is down there under your computer desk sucking your cock dry as you watch these videos. Check out Blow Job P.O.V. (Point of View) Or don't check it out, what do I care if you want to experience a virtual blowjob or not?
December 17th, 2005
Meet Sanja...
You know how there are lots of smoking hot models out there but they don't pose nude? Ron Harris is a world famous photographer that has changed that. Don't ask me how, but he finds models hotter than any you'll ever see in your mama's Vogue or Cosmo magazine covers, and he gets em' naked! Trust me, you'll like this site.
Here is one more example of why this is a cool fucking babe site:
Sometimes you see close up beaver shots in lower quality porn shots...let's be honest, sometimes pussy REALLY close up doesn't look that attractive. But damn! Look at that, it is a work of art, it belongs in the Metropolitan Museum of Art...nice clit!
Check out Ron Harris for more of this type of stuff.
*****
So that fucker Tookie Williams got executed in Cali. "But he reformed! He changed his ways in prison and deserves to be spared!" Yeah, getting gangraped in the shower made him see the light. The piece of shit still is a murderer...boo hoo, let me get out the violins for this poor gangbanger.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TOOKIE WILLIAMS!
December 12th, 2005
So the great Richard Pryor is dead from a heart attack. R.I.P. you crazy nigger. Here's a little routine from on of his stand up shows, it is a conversation he had with his heart during a heart attack in the 1970s. Ironic, ain't it?
'oh shit . had a little pain in my heart there . thought I was havin’ another heart attack . ‘what’ . you get scared after you have a heart attack . that all the time any time you feel a little pain you go ‘huh?’
anyone here had a heart attack? Them motherfuckers hurt . I’m not bullshittin’ man I was walkin’ in the front yard . I was just walkin along and somethin’ say ‘don’t breathe’ I say ‘huh’
‘you heard me motherfucker I said “don’t breathe”’
‘ok I won’t breathe I won’t breathe I won’t breathe’
‘then shut the fuck up then’
I say ‘don’t kill me don’t kill me don’t kill me’
‘get on one knee and prove it’
‘I’m on one knee’
‘you thinkin’ about dyin’ now ain’t ya’
‘yeah I think about dyin’ I think about dyin’’
‘you didn’t think about it when you was eatin’ all that
greasy pork! you know black people got high blood pressure anyway don’t ya’
‘yeah I know I know’
‘then watch your diet’
‘I will don’t kill me don’t kill me don’t kill me’
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Ed is just a really cool fucking name, don't you think? Think of all the cool Eds and Edwards and Eddies...Edward Scissorhands, King Edward, Ed Wood, Eddie of Eddie and the Cruisers, Eddie Money, Eddie Bauer, Mayor Ed Koch, Eddie Murphy, Eddie Van Halen. The list goes on and on...cool name!
*****
Time for some good old fashioned wholesome lesbian porn movies from our carpet licking friends at Sapphic Erotica...
 Steaming hot oral sex passion in shower
 Shaved babes in pussy licking sixty nine action
 Two teens on a piano making more than music
 Exposed clit seeks finger loving
 Teens sixty nine and finger until orgasm
 Teens tongue tickles and teases girlfriends clit
Mmm...lesbians taste good! But you fuckers wouldn't know...hey, they're lesbians, you aren't gonna be tasting them cause you have a dick!
December 7th, 2005
It occured to me...there are four surviving ex-presidents: Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, George H.W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. You always here about Jimmy Carter's activism, and George and Bill team up whenever there is a natural disaster. WHAT THE FUCK HAS GERALD FORD DONE IN THE PAST 20 YEARS? Just wondering...maybe he reads this blog. Gerald? Are you there? Hello!
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Time for a drink recipe:
Red Snatch:
- 1 shot(s) 151 Bacardi Rum
- 1 count(s) Triple Sec
- 1 count(s) Grenadine
- 4 count(s) Pineapple Juice
- 1 splash(es) Sprite
Mmm...tastes good!
*****
Man, there is such thing as too much porn! My eyes are blurry from seeing 10 hours of porn videos last night...and I called in sick to work today, isn't that bad? I swear, I never want to see another video of a perky 18 year old with big tits getting gang banged and having cum shot all over her cute lil face ever again. Enough!
I signed up for a website deal called Brain Pass and it is too much of a good thing. They gave me access to:
LexOnBlondes, Christine Young, Busty Christy, Cherry Potter, Kelly Summer, Sweet Amylee, Melissa Doll, Cute Angie, I Want a Latina, The Real Squirt, Shelby Bell, Silverstone Video, Hardcore Fiesta, Girly Gang Bang, Only DP, Lesbo101
Hustler XXX, Barely Legal Girls, Bachelor Party, MILF Galleries XXX, Springbreak, Orgy Holio, Pussies Galores, Black Poles in White Holes, Anal University, MILF Galleries XXX, Cum Guzzlers, Her First ATM, Big boob girls, Adult live network, and Adult XXX games.
December 5th, 2005
Let us start out with 3 entertaining videos:
- A woman goes into a clothing store, shows her tits to the staff, and asks if they look crooked. Wish I worked there...no I don't, actually, I'm so fucking glad I'm not in retail even if I miss stuff like that.
Do my tits look crooked?
- Japanese Niggas. Basically, a Chapellesque skit with a bunch of Japanese people saying the "N" word to each other. Seeing Japanese people say "Hey, my crazy Nigga!" is just hilarious for some reason.
Japanese Niggas
- Finally, yet another video of a Kangaroo masturbating. I know, this is a very commen thing to see in Australia, so forgive me if this is nothing novel to you, but I thought it was a bit weird.
Kangaroo Masturbating
*****
Everyone loves a good fucking machine video. You say you've never heard of a fucking machine? Well welcome to the 21st centruy, fuckers! Your dicks have been replaced by huge mechanical dildos that pump in and out of slippery cunts at 350 rotations per minute. No, just kidding, the ladies still like good ol fashioned cock, but these videos are cool as hell...
Some of the fucking presented are beyond description, but the women featured get fucked, sucked, massaged, and otherwise probed by a variety of mechanical devices till they orgasm. Enjoy, all these links have some free videos on them.
The site, Fucking Machines, has 100s of hours of long video clips of women getting off with these elaborite devices.
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I write this blog from Northern Indiana. It is cold as fucking Alaska here and there is tons of snow. People, learn to drive in the snow! I understand the need to drive safely, but on a one lane street with 50 cars behind you...you can go faster than 15 miles per hour! Please? And on the subject of driving, if you plan to turn...A FUCKING TURN SIGNAL WOULD BE HELPFUL! Why do assholes just slow down when they want to turn and then suddenly turn with no warning? At least with a turn signal, I know your intentions. I hope you assholes drive off a cliff...
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Oops...looks like you've reached the end of the December content. Or is it the beginning of the December content? Whatever. Dude, there is plenty more from Porn Tastes Good in the Achives!
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